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I like to quote crappy emo songs because im one of the cool kids.

So fuck you.

12/6/09 12:55 pm

the amount of intoxicants around here reminds me of the old days.



i wonder if i will ever grow up.

12/6/09 12:52 pm

interesting, our little brains.

esp. when they crackle and pop in endorphin grease, flip over on themselves,
burn to shreds.


on another note,
interesting, to watch the machinations of the anthill.
slowed down as i am. too much cough syrup. :P

i wonder how much our instincts really do tell us.

12/4/09 08:12 am

on that note....

it is from the crook of a wizened nose i look down and bellow these great nonsenses:

"THIS PLACE IS NOT MY HOME!"

it floated over fields, windswept grains, echoing around and through chasms until the whole valley shook with acknowledgement.

12/4/09 07:53 am

she still talks about her. like it was yesterday.

perhaps they didnt mind you coming back at odd hours of the night because they were so shocked you managed to get some tail. :P not neglency after all, eh? shows you, fuckers. :P

i keep feeling like i'm figuring things out
and forgetting them

i wish my thoughts kept logs, JOURNAL HURR DURR yeaiknow but i mean the .txt sort of a log, where it gives you every single fuckin thing and not just the crap i end up spewing out.

most of this trash is for remminder notes that hopefully jar my brain into remembering whatever it was i was talking about. :P

aah haa aah haa

my life is a series of unfinished

12/2/09 06:54 am

hmmmmmmmmmmmm
atoms are the building blocks of all things, quarks and other quantum particles bei...

hmm
so perhaps the smallest thing in existance is a vibration of some kind
correlation:
string theory?

not only is the smallest thing a vibration, but the biggest thing too


not only that, the movement of quantum particles is influenced in some way by superstrings no?

so everything is everything is the smallest thing is the largest thing is hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
waves of magic at the train tracks, oh how i wish we had opened the door, cat-man.

perception?
time?
st-t-t-tre-t-t-c-h.
search for what, i ask?


examinations
due to how quickly your cells can process information it is impossible for you to dream that you lived a lifetime in the span of 8 hours

then again we know little to nothing about the exact properties about information transposition in the brain no?

hmm well we know some i suppose. cant argue with lit up nerve cells on mris. but still.

OR CAN WE?
an examination of time time time.

in other news
i have spent these last few days
contemplating


haha what a fool he is
contemplating the nothings of his nothing nothing?

:P

12/1/09 07:10 am

haha.
my dear boy.
what a horrid mush you have made from these beautiful spices



saying the SAME THING
i always say
in all of these.
bzz
whrr
clunk
7am
no sleep.

i took to reading back to when i had a job
i do not look forward to getting another one
i think i shall be just as discontent

sometimes i wonder, how much of this have i done to myself?
how much of this has been my choice?
why am i so stuck?
it is probably because you are too cold to warm up now.

cryo stasis.
know what that means?
means i can go to space

11/10/09 02:41 pm

guess you really are busted in half.

 

clunk along anyways.

 

:/ 

11/7/09 03:03 am

11/7/09

warren can no longer do acid around these people.

11/7/09 02:37 am

 a pity
and i was in such a good mood earlier too.

well, that's going a little far.

i didn't feel like shit earlier, too.


i'm excited to sleep because i'm going to take my methadone in the morning.

and, i should really very much like to leave this horrid place. perhaps i should discuss this with the roommates.
i'm sure curtis would adore having his own room.

11/6/09 01:34 pm

 WOOOOO PSUDEOINTELLECTUAL PSYCHOBABBLE thanks internet :)

 

hough this anon's description is technically not correct (I won't say that it is correct, however, since it basically says nothing), I'd like to put in a less freemasony way: 

Let's assume the existence of an external, consistent universe. In this universe, we can make observations by measuring its properties and deducing from them. 
Let us assert that in this universe there exist 'goodness' and 'badness', with objects and action belonging to these fuzzy sets (let's call this belonging A(x) in [0,1])to certain degrees. 
Now, the existence of goodness and badness is real insofar as all universals (such as 'redness' or the number 6) are - but this is beyond the scope of this discussion, so let's leave it at that for the moment. 

However, there is no known way to demonstratably determine A(x) for any x in the universe as one would determine other physical properties. Though we might contend that we feel things to be good or bad, we 1) these feelings are not consistent across individuals and even though they may true for some and can be communicated, their justification can not (we essentially have to take people's word for it) and 2) even if they were, there would still be no guarantee that they reflected anything besides our emotions. 

Furthermore, the ethic dimension of things does not influence the physical world in any known way, rendering it - for our purposes - irrelevant. Even if we could somehow determine that an act is bad, its perpetrator will not fall down dead for doing it (according to the current knowledge of physics). 

Thus, the nihilist's claim that 'nothing has (ethical) value' cannot be proved, but it also cannot be disproved, making it the ideology of angry 13 year olds who like every other word of their's to be 'nigger'. 

Of course, it must be borne in mind that any reasonable argument must be dismissed with absolute conviction! For the Emperor!

11/6/09 04:05 am

 tyler mentioned tonight, psychedelics are a lot like sex, in ways.
I couldn't have said it better my good man.

perhaps i will spend my evenings by the fire with dear lucy at
 

 

if you'll excuse me, my favorite part of this song just happened <3

 

 

though much easier to come by, haha.

sometimes i wish 
things
were
different but it is difficult to tell
the good from the bad this
way and that is
good because
perception 

you know
the drill. :P

i think i thought a great many important thoughts today, and forgot all of them promptly.
ah! one, i remember. in the shower. I think I may not be just being an emo kid anymore, and for reals actually don't care about these people.
then i considered caring and it felt kind of
good, pure, in a way.
earnest.
that was the word i was looking for. :)

funny that i hadn't really noticed. :P
in fact i only did notice cause i accidentally did care there for a second. :P

or maybe that wasn't caring at all, who knows.
misplaced synapse refuse blasted out at nine am by too much water in the eardrums
the et cetera of the mishmash. :P

sometimes, the pain is nice.
reminds me of.....
hm. I don't know, really.
(that's a coping mechanism right there, buddy. :P)

well, hello there, 4:13 am.
its been a while.

 

i guess some folks are just strange folk, pop
'n that's what they are, how thell be.
hush up now boy, weve got things to tend to
 


11/4/09 09:20 am

funny

how ungrateful i can be,

and how little i care


haha.

yknow the most useful thing that i have learned, all these years?
nothing.
nothing has kept my shuddering little automaton jury-rigged together
kept the gears whirring, kept the heartbeat-steady footsteps clanking along.
i have become very good at it,
nothing.

also:
The red liquid that comes out of steaks before cooking them (and after, for that matter) isn't blood, it's called myoglobin. 

11/1/09 05:59 am

 ~i shoulda never even showed you

ecks owt.
can only afford 1 mo more of no job
and by then all saveans are gone

no kee bward for me :/


ah well such is life

10/31/09 05:31 am

 i should like to think i'd be at least mildly perturbed

oddly enough, i'm not. i feel as though this was almost expected.

guess pessimism is cushy :P


i'll probably do nothing tomorrow to.
haha.


10/28/09 11:36 pm

 heh.
even keel. baby steps. quiet time.

DEAR
drop everything and read

haha.
at least you have the option
to be an op tim ist. 

does it make me garbage to not appreciate my things? perhaps. 
then again, attempting to morally evaluate garbage makes you a fool, no?
haha.
welcome to the same boat
we've got an excellent mute button
and quiet deckhands
it is much easier to feel the waves, this way. :)


10/24/09 05:44 pm

welcome
it hs been some time

this is where i lv now
here
outside

i d nt knw if you will
like it
mch or if you will
stay but
for me it is almst
hm
by now

almst.

the boy shivers and turns the
tv up

10/16/09 07:39 am

 i hate reading your internet diary because you sound like such a douche bag

10/16/09 07:35 am

 trapped in my own stink forever



nothing can save you now, boy

shadow man is never realized and you will die cold and alone
eat your protein, lift weights
perhaps they will like you then

everything is so wrong out here
i begin to wonder if i was just born in the wrong place, at the wrong time
perhaps i was just born as the wrong me

i digress
it matters little
maybe not.

well i shall disobey my future self this weekend in hopes that something will happen and i will wake from this horrid dream.
nothing will, and i won't....

but ahh, you're so still fourteen.
will you ever move on? follow the yellow brick road, chase the rabbit down it's hole?
no, stick in this muck heap until you forget your legs
it is the only way

10/8/09 01:35 am

 ugh

i am tired of feeling like
an old dead tree
stretching my branches to ?

feh.

why do you write such trash my boy
you're better than that

in other news
i think my sinuses are starting to fall out


what a glorious land of opportunity just waiting to be suckled into nothingness

i am clawing off the backs of my
eyes, shrieking
jesus god let me
out of here
it's so cold and there are so 
many
monsters; lurking deep around
every corner


but that is just
two twenty six a m and a cold bed
talking

9/27/09 03:28 am

that was
fantastic

i dread
the morning
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